高手帮我批改一下这篇英语作文帮我看看这篇作文,给我些具体 的意见,One day I was about to go outside to play when I saw my mother being busy with several housework at the same time.She looked so tired,and I felt guilty,There

高手帮我批改一下这篇英语作文帮我看看这篇作文,给我些具体 的意见,One day I was about to go outside to play when I saw my mother being busy with several housework at the same time.She looked so tired,and I felt guilty,There
高手帮我批改一下这篇英语作文
帮我看看这篇作文,给我些具体 的意见,
One day I was about to go outside to play when I saw my mother being busy with several housework at the same time.She looked so tired,and I felt guilty,Therefore I made a determination to share housework with her.I was about to wash the clothes when my friend called me up and asked me to play with her.I told her that I would go on the condition that completing my washing.Then I go on washing ,Only then did I realized it was such a tiring thing to wash clothes,and how tired my mother was.While my mother not only worked outside but also took the responsibility of our housework inside,she never complaint to us.After washing I felt tired though ,my mother praised me ,and said that I was a good child.I felt happy.

高手帮我批改一下这篇英语作文帮我看看这篇作文,给我些具体 的意见,One day I was about to go outside to play when I saw my mother being busy with several housework at the same time.She looked so tired,and I felt guilty,There
minking做的很好的一点是,想办法用好句式和词组.但是怎么用似乎还需要学习.
整个文章里的标点符号用的不太好,似乎都是逗号?需要学会断句,和正确使用标点.
以下提出我的建议:
1.第一句里being去掉.busy with可以直接加在mother 后,表示2.妈妈在做什么.
"make a decision"更好.determination这个词的含义很强,表示你有决心一定要完成一件什么事.而在这里你是做了一个决定.
3."share housework with her"请minking仔细再读一遍会不会发现问题?对了,share sth with sb.是谁拥有这个东西呢,你自己.然后你才会和别人分享.放在这句话里的意思就是说,家务活是你全包的,然后你要和你的母亲分享家务活.意思不对了吧?你的原意应该是"帮妈妈分担家务活"吧,如果是的话,可以写成" help her with some housework within my power" within my power意思是力所能及.你加不加无所谓.
4."I told her that I would go on the condition that completing my washing." 此句中有数个问题."on the condition that"用于此句略有不妥.因为你的文章是叙事的,用那么正式的词会有些奇怪.但是并不是说不可以用.另一个语法的问题是你在on the condition that 后面加了ing分词.
如果你要加ing分词,就必须把前面换成 under the condition of.如果是on the conditon that,后面要加的是一个完整的句子.
5.then i go on washing应该变成过去时.你的整篇文章都是过去时的,这里要语态致.
6.only then did i realized应该是only then did i realize 在强调词"did"出现后应该加动词原型.
7.inside 和outside是指家里和在外工作吧.work outside会让我理解成你妈妈是在户外工作的,而不是"在外工作".inside可以去掉,因为你已经写了housework,就需要在重复"在家里"了,别人明白家务活都是在家里做的,对吧?
最后一点是,这句话头重脚轻.不知道你是否需要那么精确的英语修改.你就权当了解吧.你文章里的"while"这个从句太长,主句太短,就会给人一种前半句太沉重,而后半句太短了.比较好的办法是,如果从句很长,则先写主句,然后从句.
我对这句话的建议是:My mother never complained a word to us,although she not only worked from nine to five every workday,but also took care of housework after she went back home.

没有善用逗号。
很华语的英文，阅读的蛮辛苦的。